Rules for living in a technological age
  1. Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
  2. Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
  3. Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.
  4. The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.
  5. The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.
  6. An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
  7. Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
  8. All great discoveries are made by mistake.
  9. Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.
  10. Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
  11. All's well that ends.
  12. A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.
  13. The first myth of management is that it exists.
  14. A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.
  15. New systems generate new problems.
  16. To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
  17. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
  18. A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.
  19. Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work.
  20. Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book.
  21. The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.
  22. To spot the consultant, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
  23. After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
  24. Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.
  25. A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.
  26. If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.
  27. Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
  28. Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases.
  29. If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
  30. The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.
  31. In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totaled correctly after 4:30 p.m. on Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. on Monday.
  32. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.
  33. All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.
  34. The only perfect science is hind-sight.
  35. Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.
  36. If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
  37. If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
  38. When all else fails, read the instructions.
  39. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
  40. Everything that goes up must come down.
  41. Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.
  42. Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.
  43. Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.
  44. The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.
  45. A difficult task will be halted near completion by one tiny, previously insignificant detail.
  46. There is never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
  47. The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
  48. If there is ever the possibility of several things to go wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
  49. If something breaks, and it stops you from doing something, it will be fixed when you:
    1. no longer need it
    2. are in the middle of something else
    3. don't want it to be fixed, because you really don't want to do what you were supposed to do
  50. Each profession talks to itself in it's own language, apparently there is no Rosetta Stone
  51. The more urgent the need for a decision to be made, less apparent become the identity of the decision maker
  52. It is never wise to let a piece of electronic equipment know that you are in a hurry.
  53. Don't fix something that ain't broke, 'cause you'll break it and you still can't fix it
  54. You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. Only by the splatter of the blood stains.
  55. Dobie's Dogma:
    If you are not thoroughly confused, you have not been thoroughly informed.
  56. A screw will never fit a nut.
  57. Standard parts never are.
  58. When working on a motor vehicle engine, any tool dropped will land directly under the center of the engine.
  59. Interchangeable parts won't.
  60. Never trust modern technology. Trust it only when it is old technology.
  61. The bolt that is in the most awkward place will always be the one with the tightest thread.
  62. The most ominous phrase in science: "_Uh_-oh . . ."