Rules governing Love, Sex and the likelyhood of either
  1. All the good ones are taken.
    If the person isn't taken, see above.
  2. The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you.
  3. Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.
    This constant is always zero.
  4. The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them.
  5. Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.
  6. The best things in the world are free --- and worth every cent of it.
  7. Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.
  8. Nice guys (girls) finish last.
  9. If it seems too good to be true, it is.
  10. Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else.
  11. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
  12. Nothing improves with age.
  13. No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
  14. Sex has no calories.
  15. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
  16. There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
  17. Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
  18. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
  19. A man in the house is worth two in the street.
  20. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
  21. Virginity can be cured.
  22. When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
  23. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
  24. The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
  25. Sex is dirty, if it's done right.
  26. It is always the wrong time of month.
  27. When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
  28. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
  29. Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
  30. The younger the better.
  31. The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
  32. It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
  33. Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
  34. Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.
  35. There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
  36. Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
  37. Love is a hole in the heart.
  38. If the effort that went in research on the female breast had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
  39. Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
  40. Do it only with the best.
  41. Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
  42. One good turn gets most of the blankets.
  43. You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
  44. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
  45. Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood.
  46. Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
  47. Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.
  48. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
  49. What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
  50. It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
  51. Never say no.
  52. A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
  53. Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
  54. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
  55. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
  56. Love comes in spurts.
  57. Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
  58. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
  59. Don't do it if you can't keep it up.
  60. There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
  61. Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
  62. Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
  63. Nothing improves with age.
  64. When a man wants his wife to hear, she doesn't listen.
    When that same man doesn't want his wife to hear, she's all ears.
  65. It's always easier to get a partner if you already have one.
  66. Although it may seem like that on the outside, no one is having fun being single
  67. Love and high-school must NEVER go together.
  68. If a man speaks deep in the forest and there is no woman there to hear him; is he still wrong?
  69. Show me a husband who won't, I'll show you a neighbor who will
  70. You get the best sex from the worst one for you
  71. Never trust a woman who acts like you are so sexy she can't help herself but drag you to bed
  72. No one is as fascinating as they think
  73. The two thing no man can ever understand; Women and what makes all men complete damm fools over women.
  74. Love makes believers of us all.
    Translation: Love obscures common sense.
  75. Being taken attracts women. Being single makes them avoid you like the plague.
  76. The hornier someone is, the less likely that it will be they have sex.
  77. The man shalt not win the argument he started
  78. The man shalt not win the argument he didn't start
  79. In Romance; and in Finance we play with Figures.
  80. Love has all the answers. But till then sex brings up some good questions.
  81. There is nothing wrong with sex on the TV, unless you fall off.
  82. If you are interested in someone, a close friend will grab their attention.
  83. The ABC rule:
    If A is attracted to B, and you are attracted to C, A has a better chance with B than you do with C.