Virgo (the Virgin)
August 23-- September 22
1) You are probably going to die alone.
2) You are so boring that everyone else falls asleep before sex.
3) You're as good as your word, but your word is no good.
4) The rumor that Virgo's are virgins is true.
5) Virgo's have tiny genitals; that's why they are virgins.
6) Virgo's make good choir singers, eunuchs, and nuns.
7) You have a winning smile because your teeth look like a checkered flag.
8) If you are lucky, a Leo may take pity on you one day.
9) You have a certain flair, unfortunately it's your nostrils.
10) Virgos are so ugly that it's impossible for anyone to get aroused .
11) You have such an open mind, open and empty.
12) You are a water bug on the surface of life.
Best career moves: "Before" model in before-and-after ads, live target at a gun range, slave