Taurus (the bull)
April 20-- May 20
1) You are practical and persistent and everyone else hates you.
2) You have a high capacity for bullshit.
3) Taurus people do not use toilet paper.
4) You have the power of conversation but not of speech.
5) Taurians always eat from paper plates and plastic cups.
6) You can't look at red cloth without going mad.
7) You have nothing to worry about because you have no mind to worry with.
8) People can't believe that out of the millions of your father's sperm, you were the quickest.
9) You would make a good sidekick for a Leo.
10) Taurians can only have sex with the aid of an electric shock to the genitals.
11) People like it when you stay, that way you won't follow them.
12) Your ignorance covers the world like a well make blanket; there's not a hole in it to be found.
Best career moves: the loser in pro-wrestling matches, sperm donor, cat walker