Aries (the ram)
March 21-- April 19
1) You have an intelligent and creative mind, for a sheep.
2) You have all the artistic ability of rock.
3) You are like fresh mountain spring water: cold, transparent, and tasteless.
4) You like to beat your head against the wall because it feels good when it stops.
5) You haven't an enemy in the world, but all your friends hate you.
6) People need what only you can provide: your absence.
7) What you lack in wisdom you make up for in ignorance.
8) You would make a good servant for a Leo.
9) Aries people laugh at jokes about themselves, but only because they don't understand them.
10) You have an unnatural fear of men in wellington boots.
11) Aries people are so shallow they should all be blonde.
12) There's nothing wrong with you that death won't cure.
Best career moves: sausage packer, car test dummy, live punching bag